Lawyer: As the executor of Mr. Muldune's Estate I have been empowered to read his last will and temperment.
Ed (alcoholic brother): Well get one with it, the bars open soon.
Jenny (sister): Oh poor dear Arthur... wehhhh.
Hank (Jenny's wife / wimp): Oh there, there Jenny.
Ralstin (Know-it-all nephew): God how predictibly boring.
Mrs. Mulroy: I never worked for a kinder man.
Lawyer: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the readings.
Lawyer (reading): I Arthur B. Muldune, being of sound mind a body...
Ed: That's a laugh... heheheh.
Lawyer: ... do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows: To my overly emotional sister, Jenny.
Hank: Jenny dear, he's talking about us.
Lawyer: ... who grubbed their entire life, grubbed for everything I've got, then cried crocidile tears when I needed sympathy, to Jenny I leave a Boot to the Head.
Jenny: A what? [Boom] Ow!
Hank: Jenny, are you okay?
Lawyer: And another boot to her wimpy husband Hank. [Boom] Ow!
Ed: Heh heh.
Jenny: This is an outrage.
Lawyer: Ah but still, you are my sister, you have both admired my Royles Royce, and since I no longer need it...
Jenny: Oh dear Arthur, he's too kind!
Lawyer: ... I bequeath another boot the head.
Jenny: What? [Boom] Ow!
Lawyer: And one more for the wimp.
Hank: [Boom] Ow!
Lawyer: Next, to my alcoholic brother...
Ed: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head.
Lawyer: To dear Ed who's never worked a day in his life...
Ed: I'm covering up my head!
Lawyer: I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey.
Lawyer: And a boot to the head.
Ed: [Boom] Oh!
Lawyer: And another for Jenny and the wimp.
Jenny: [Boom] Oh!
Hank: [Boom] Ow!
Lawyer: Next, to my know-it-all nephew Ralstin...
Ralstin: This is so predictable.
Lawyer: I leave a boot to the head.
Ralstin: [Boom] Uuh... I knew it.
Lawyer: ... and one for Jenny and the wimp.
Lawyer: This takes care of family obligations... and now to Mrs. Mulroy...
Mrs. Mulroy: I don't want nothing.
Lawyer: ... who took care of me faithfully these many years, who cared, made me laugh, brought me tea ...
Mrs. Mulroy: Oh, I didn't mind.
Lawyer: ... to Mrs. Mulroy I bequeath... a boot to the head.
Mrs. Mulroy: [Boom] Oouhh!
Lawyer: And one more for Jenny and the wimp.
Jenny: [Boom] Ahh!
Wimp: [Boom] Ohh!
Lawyer: And so to my cat mittens, I leave my entire vast... Boot to the head!
Mittens: [Boom] Meoooeeewwwoooeerroooww!
Lawyer: And finally, to my Lawyer who has helped me on this will, I leave no a boot to the head, but a rabid tasmanian devil to be placed in his trousers.... ohh,... hah, ha, ha... and I leave my entire vast estate of 10 million dollars to the people of Calgery so they can afford to move somewhere decent!
Hank: Is that it?
Ralstin: Is that all?
Ed: That's disgraceful!
Lawyer: There's one last thing for everyone.
Ed: Cover your heads everybody.
Lawyer: I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream.
Ed: Ice cream?
Ralstin: Ice cream?
Hank: Ice cream?
Ralstin: That's all?
Lawyer: That's all.
Mrs. Mulroy: Well, what flavor is it?
Lawyer: Boot the head!
[Boom] Oh! [Boom] Ah! [Boom] Uh! [Boom] Ow! [Boom] Ahh! [Boom] Ugg! [Boom] Oww!